515. I was literally about to Whatsapp you ten minutes ago. I wanted to talk to you about bucatini, but we can chat now.

514. Third episode you enter an alternative universe where the number of minutes in an hour are 10 and not 60. You come home at 6:9. Your house mate is 420ing. Let me explain. In this universe the atoms behave differently and organisms can move through each other and are not subject to the limitations of a physical body. There are also four sexes and all are required for procreation. So you do the math.

513. I wouldn't want to toke from anything that my balls have been soaking in for half an hour.

512. Miss spelled Dagga Groin on my story / No link / Only 1 person saw it / My old creative director

511. Why are you always taking these horrible photos of me? At least my nose is straight now.

510. Married and now my ex boyfriend is appearing in insta spon con with debts on his bald head

509. We need to draw money for pizza and weed. I'm messaging weed; you phone pizza.

508. Bye Marty. You made all my stories.

507. - Do you want to hear I'll Make Love to You? - Always.

506. 69% battery / moves:69 / time 4:19 / Getting closer...

505. But Martin, have you heard what Bruce said in an interview: "Blues in the verse, gospel in the chorus"? We can discuss.

504. My first attempt at screengrabbing a 69 - 4:20 score on freecell / If you look top right you can see 'moves: 69' and in the top center it has '4:23' as the time / Took too long to grab on Hua wei

503. nancy_cartwright started following you.

502. I think if someone invited me to console them about their dead dog, they wouldn't invite me to Bombay Bicycle Club.

501. - Who's Seth? - Cain and Abel's younger brother. - Fuck off, Adam and Eve didn't have a third son!

500. I always said, either to you or about you, that you have a way of making all your interactions and everything you do in your life filled with great meaning and purpose that's completely unique.

499. My favorite line is definitely “kgb was stalking me”