281. -I said, "Why does a wight have a wand of lightning?" and he said, "Because a black wouldn't know how to use one." -So humour. Much racism.
280. -That track has been translated by an English doctor. -That's fine, but what does he mean when he says, "they used to pee pee when they see me"?
279. ive been smashing warcraft 1 on company time son
278. Banished 1 x turb to toylit underworld
277. Is he saying fagits twodope and silent gay Or faggy twodope and sielnt gay Which would make morr sense, becausr its shaggy 2dope, and faggy twodope would be structurally correct Whereas faghits twodope and silemt gay already implies they are gay, with silent gay merely instating a 'double gay' clause Plus faggie twodope sounds funnier
276. Deborah Meaden has managed to subdue her rival dragons.
275. He's a hungry young rapper. In fact, he's actually rapping for a sandwich.
274. If someone tells me they're a millionaire and then gives me GBP15 000, I'd tell them to fuck off.
273. It smells like everyone in the world farted at the same time.
272. doobie is in my blood each time I excersice it will be released from my farts
271. Two-headed blanketed monster
270. My chick said to me, "You actually need to stop eating all these sausages or you're going to die."
269. Oh and as for being "creeped out", you should only know what your friends really think about a 29 year old dating a 20 year old. It's pretty gross.
268. Old Man Salie is so snoep I know there's no way she got that cabbage from him.
267. That's nothing compared to the sounds I hear on my CD Walkman.
266. My corn will be ready at at 19:20 tomorrow. If you are interested.
264. I realised I was getting old when I was filled with nostalgia by the smell of one of my own farts.
263. -Kevin, have you been looking at porn on my computer? -No! I needed a woman to draw for Kev to show him I can draw! -Really?! A woman with double-D tits and three cocks in her face?!
262. Most of canal walk smells of my farts. Now I like to find attractive women. Get in front of them. Fart.
261. -You know why? You can't outgrief a griefer. I've been in this game since 2004. I've been on the internet since 1984. -Wow. -My first computer was a Timex Sinclair. I know every trick in the fucking book. -Wow. -I was insulting peons like you on CB Radio in the 1970s. You think you can insult me? My car cost me more than the house you in than the mother your mother's house the the base the basement. -I am truly impressed.
260. -Hey Mark! I have a jungle smurf here for you! -Is he swinging from a vine? -No. -Is he sitting in a car? -No. -Then you don't really have a jungle smurf.
259. Joh. If you run comrades as a man and post medal you get 65 likes. Also you have to dedicate to deceased father. Surely this is the most any man can get.
258. "Iron Man 3- EPIC! Love that they introduced Pepper as Rescue...and CANT WAIT for Thor and Star Trek!!!!!! I am a NERD and I aint afraid to SHOW it...I'm sexy and I KNOW it! Bha ha ha ha! #jacquesthinksiamweird" - If you take her on a date you get tagged in her statuses plus hashtagged
257. -What about "The Three Little Pigs"? -That's what I said! I told her, "Ma, make your house with bricks!"
256. Adam on "Taken 2": I will find you again, and kill you again, this time, for real.
255. Please don't bother Jonathan. He has boerewors to sell and a shahlumpie to smoke.
254. So much fucking constipation from all the codeine im taken Will need cesarean
253. In the wine cellar cum chapel
252. I'm sat in a toilet that I've made that I know I'll be sat here later havin' a shit, thinking, "What am I doing? What am I doing?"
251. Idea for a semi-autobiographical mini-comic: Story of a wedding djay who has to play The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)", each time confronting him with different details of when his father periodically molested him to it as a child.
250. Idea for a short documentary film: A humble sixty year old widowed antiques expert, whose insolent children have estranged him, documents his journey of getting a tattoo sleeve as per the instructions of casting agents for an antiques-based reality programme seeking to make him eccentric enough for television.
249. What did we do before we had to pay attention to people's lives?
248. One of the things I love most is waking up early and lying in bed just staring at her, because I used to do it so much on Facebook.
247. Martin, actually don't worry about putting that one up. I originally wanted to make it as a greeting card, but ended up taking a bit off the back for gerrick. Look.
246. So You Think You Can Hashtag
245. -You should start a bee society. -I want to, but I don't think it will be BEE compliant (because after six months of waiting for bees to settle in any one of the eight bee boxes I've purchased, none have).
244. It was such a miserable relationship for me, I don't know why I stayed. It was so fucking miserable I'm actually like free now. I'm an emancipated slave, like Django.
243. He walks around with a headband - who wears a fucking headband - and a constant grin on his face like this. He was a wanker as a Jew, now he's a moron-wanker because he gives ten percent of everything he earns to them*! *The Church of Scientology
242. Lulu! Ifuna iMarky three iterms!
241. Guess who I just saw walking out the Sea Point Spur two hours ago. Walking like the only Jew out on Pesach. Alan Shafaygelah. He looks at me and says, "Say you never saw me and I'll say I never saw you."
240. Fart in lego section Watch children walk into lego section
239. So she called to say she's going to give me fifteen things I need to do so she'll get back together with me. Shamiela, you're getting a few too and Kevin, you just have one, "banned."
238. Jirre, dis mos vokken presumptuous van ons om 'n vokken uur lank set te kap.
237. Mid-twenties American girl arrives at the end of a dinner party. She asks if she can have some of the leftover penne pasta on the table and, standing, takes some out of the bowl with her right hand and eats it. Leaving one penne between her index and middle finger like a cigarette, she lowers her right hand to waist height and initiates a non-penne-related anecdote. When asked whether she would like some leftover meatballs, penne is discarded atop firewood.
236. STEb SEGERMAN GAIN 1 OCSAR
235. Your brothers toilet still has battle scars from when Farelli paid a visit. / Make sure the toilet seat is cleaned from underneath. / The toilet seat is damaged beyond repair.
234. it needs a valentines day twist to it too. So far I am working with "He doesn't have a leg to stand on", or "If only he had legs he wouldn't have shot his girlfriend in the fucking face on valentines day. LOL."
233. "I just need to go home and tie my shoe." - I said that?
232. Well, we call the blog, "I Know Philip Kramer" and make another for the Cream Soda Arts Collective.
231. Yes, he has the look of someone who would take a dump in the sea.
230. You're no different to the rest of the kak people out there. Must be a great feeling.
229. Martin, a vampire movie set in the Cape Flats: "Kwaailight".
228. Oh I meant to tell you yesterday, I might have said the funniest thing I've ever said in my life, or at least in the last two months. My friend drank some coke and started choking. He then said, "That went down the wrong hole." and I said, "What? Your butt hole?" I started tearing and laughed for thirty minutes.
227. Nutty dredluck in deh hevy rain, un dee buk uhv Toyota Hilux bakkie.
226. Martin there's a coon costume displat
225. Diarrhea 2013
224. -Wish people happy new year on fb Guaranteed likes sun -Yoh insider trading status market shits son