258. "Iron Man 3- EPIC! Love that they introduced Pepper as Rescue...and CANT WAIT for Thor and Star Trek!!!!!! I am a NERD and I aint afraid to SHOW it...I'm sexy and I KNOW it! Bha ha ha ha! #jacquesthinksiamweird" - If you take her on a date you get tagged in her statuses plus hashtagged

257. -What about "The Three Little Pigs"? -That's what I said! I told her, "Ma, make your house with bricks!"

256. Adam on "Taken 2": I will find you again, and kill you again, this time, for real.

255. Please don't bother Jonathan. He has boerewors to sell and a shahlumpie to smoke.

254. So much fucking constipation from all the codeine im taken Will need cesarean

253. In the wine cellar cum chapel

252. I'm sat in a toilet that I've made that I know I'll be sat here later havin' a shit, thinking, "What am I doing? What am I doing?"

251. Idea for a semi-autobiographical mini-comic: Story of a wedding djay who has to play The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)", each time confronting him with different details of when his father periodically molested him to it as a child.

250. Idea for a short documentary film: A humble sixty year old widowed antiques expert, whose insolent children have estranged him, documents his journey of getting a tattoo sleeve as per the instructions of casting agents for an antiques-based reality programme seeking to make him eccentric enough for television.

249. What did we do before we had to pay attention to people's lives?