155. If u want feel like u doing something with life, drive to airport and have breakfast at Mugg & Bean alone, and pretend u going to Milan, Italy.

154. Now she’s flashing her nat to everybody.

153. My belt broke today. I was crossing the road when I felt this thing flapping on my cock and I thought, what’s this shit? I don’t wear a moonbag!

152. -So you played Farmville just to get women? -No. One specific woman. -Wow, lucky. Did she pay out? -Ja. I pulled one arm and the legs opened!

151. When I talk, it sounds like I have a retainer in my mouth but it's actually an anchovy that I've put under my tongue.

150. -Have you ever kissed a fart :* :p :& B-) -Ha ha piss off martin I'm in a bad mood -Panty fartie -Ur a creep. -But have you?

149. -Now this woman, Martin, has been doing tik since she was 14. She is now 38. -Jeez, does it show? -You know, funnily enough, she is still fat.

148. First date I told her ithe only food I dislike is saucy chicken Since then it is all she makes me

147. -Mark, please can we make a smurf village in the lounge? -No, Ari. -But why? You can have a train to transport them. I think it's a lovely idea.

146. I just shook the hand of a girl I had 2 wanks to earlier in the day