254. So much fucking constipation from all the codeine im taken Will need cesarean

253. In the wine cellar cum chapel

252. I'm sat in a toilet that I've made that I know I'll be sat here later havin' a shit, thinking, "What am I doing? What am I doing?"

251. Idea for a semi-autobiographical mini-comic: Story of a wedding djay who has to play The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)", each time confronting him with different details of when his father periodically molested him to it as a child.

250. Idea for a short documentary film: A humble sixty year old widowed antiques expert, whose insolent children have estranged him, documents his journey of getting a tattoo sleeve as per the instructions of casting agents for an antiques-based reality programme seeking to make him eccentric enough for television.

249. What did we do before we had to pay attention to people's lives?

248. One of the things I love most is waking up early and lying in bed just staring at her, because I used to do it so much on Facebook.

247. Martin, actually don't worry about putting that one up. I originally wanted to make it as a greeting card, but ended up taking a bit off the back for gerrick. Look.

246. So You Think You Can Hashtag

245. -You should start a bee society. -I want to, but I don't think it will be BEE compliant (because after six months of waiting for bees to settle in any one of the eight bee boxes I've purchased, none have).