223. Um. Well, perhaps if I wasn't laughed at for reading notes on Ritterstein.

222. And he mentioned how stiff my neck was - and my neck was poes-stiff because I had been smoking tik all week.

221. So I ask him, "You don't happen to be related to Erin from the Falafel King at the Adelphi, because I've tried their falafel and, let me tell you, they make the best falafel outside of Tel Aviv."

220. So after Mark Wessel phones me to tell me this, I send Farrel a sms and I say, "Fuck, Farrel. Have they got a sick bay at the Tote?"

219. Don't call the dog a cunt, Ari.

218. On Danni Diana: I did make her cry though, if that's any consolation.

217. Somewhere out there, there are people liking the photo.

216. Spam your spells you fucker!

215. Hi sex. Gaga tonite? You must come smooch me during Judas!

214. -So much pooh has come out of my bum -Throughout your life? Or just recently? -In life

213. -What are you wearing to the reunion? -I don't know. I don't have many smart clothes, so probably what I'd wear to court. Smart casual.

212. I had an uncle who abused me. His name was Observatory.

211. -Yeah, he's dropping Christian albums now and stuff. -Who's this? -Brian (Littrell)! -Well buy me a fucking rosary, nigga!

210. One of the perks was that there were two trays of bacon and I'm sure if I finished them both, they would refill it. Unlimited bacon. Unlimited bacon.

209. "Error U041: The following ink may have run out. Replacing the ink tank is recommended." (Canon Pixma MP630 will not let you scan a drawing because you might have run out of magenta ink) / "Error U042: The following ink may have run out. Replacing the ink tank is recommended." (Canon Pixma MP630 will not let you scan a drawing even though you have refilled the potentially empty magenta ink tank with your own urine)

208. It feels like I'm just some 20 year old that you get points from your friends for fucking.

207. Can't imagine how happy u must be bud Winning a derby is like having sex with a 20 year old

206. Where's the Hova? / Give me Hova or give me death. / I demand the Hova. Let's turn this car into a Hovacraft.

205. I wanna use this number 88. Indalo? Number 88: "You are fucking sick And evil and dangerous And a CURSE And you are a true sinner. Of the worst kind You are FUCKED UP and you need help".

204. U start blog again Why? Not clean 200? I thought it ended so well And was a long purge with reward of 20 year old girlfriend at end Can't be undone You've made indiana jones 4

203. -How do you feel about Apocalypse and his power? -Well, how do you feel about Holocaust?

202. Yesterday I was thinking, "It would be nice to kill myself."

201. also, love makes you kak lazy. you haven't updated your blog all week.

200. I wish we were on the beach kissing and looking for mermaid's coins.

199. -Careful, don't sit in that ditch. I once vomited, shat and left a corpse there. -"Leaving a corpse" is actually the term I use when I vomit and shit in the same area.

198. -Wow, check out all the Magen Davids [on this cricket pitch protector]. There are really big ones and then little baby ones [inside them]. -It is but a dream within a dream, my friends, and that dream is called Israel!

197. Bumping westlife fuck all the neighbours

196. I WISH YOU WOULD ROT AND SUFFER AND DIE AND FUCK OFF FOREVER

195. Ok I'm confused. So hungry I just heated and ate a WHOLE can of lima beans like hummus with lemon, olive oil + garlic. That's after breakfast of an apple, almonds and a little avo plus a brunch snack of stewed guavas + plain yoghurt. And some cheese. Think I may have a worm.

194. -Okay cool, but please just close your window. -Nigga, close these nuts! -Dude, I'm gonna teach you how to speak English like a normal human being.

193. The camera on my phone has been broken so I haven't been able to tweet about my life. / I'm not a tweeter. I have so much to say, but I don't think people should hear it. / I used to have a twitter account and I tweeted for two days but I just felt like a wanker so I stopped.

192. You know summer’s coming when you see Ari and Carlos’ balls all day long.

191. Hey Chino, plse bring a section :)

190. When you say, "Have a wonderful smurfilicious day, my dear", that's an acceptable thing to say to a young lady, but not a 65 year old man.

189. -Please can I get a photo with you? - What, so you can then draw it and put it on Flickr!?

188. I accidentally put the Antonioni inside "Prince Paul". The next time I listen to Prince Paul, I'm going to get quite a surprise.

187. The Aryan Barbarian

186. -There's a girl in India, who they want to kill now because she lost or burnt a Quran. -No wait, isn't she corky?

185. Bru, I was running to the toilet with my arms and my arse out like Frankenstein. In 2 days I lost 6 kilos just from taking dumps. I'm not kidding.

184. It was the best of both worlds! On the one hand I'd hang with Martin with all our similar interests and then I'd go chill in the lounge with his brother for a bit and get high and drunk!

183. Subject: "Time for martin" Body: "I heard you like a Combo 3. Let's go see a movie at Cavendish. We can meet at the secret movie entrance in the car park. It's fine, I know about jayrid. Martin"

182. I didn't work out for 3 months to wear a leather jacket.

181. Well those meds didn't help one bit. Just been in communion with the bowl again, vomited more crushed pineapple solids and stool pure liquid. I can feel my large intestine speaking to me every time I take a sip or two. So very thirsty

180. Have you ever lowered your pants to take a poo, sat down on the toilet and proceeded to poo, only to realise that you forgot to take off your underpants?

179. Kitchen staff didn't know how to make hollandaise sauce so adam go into kitchen asn says that he know's phil kramer

178. -What about the Levys up the road? Is Michael a Levite? -You know, oddly enough, I think he's actually a Cohen!

177. After sushi, Giovanni had the biggest baff.

176. I like the way you work it but ooh, I gotta bag it up, baby!

175. study hard my baby love xx i kno u can do it! im so proud2hav u as a boyfriend-i want2make u as proud of me. u hav my heart FOREVER! my soul would die without u ill care about u this life and the next. having u in my life makes everything worth it and id risk anything 2 keep u. this is love of the most beautiful kind.. xx martin forever xx ill ring u 2MW but till then work hard and I LOVE YOU!

174. Don't forget to bring your flashstick to the clerb.

173. "Shutting people out of your life has everything to do with insecurities" sure Landmark. Thanks.

172. I'll never be in a boyband with you, just so you know.

171. Martin, I don't think you're taking your Masters as seriously as you should. If you did, you surely would have added a fourth level to this Lego tower.

170. -Come round for Yom tov tomorrow. -Wow, I'd really love that. Is there anything I can bring? I can bring some herring. -Ah dude, don't try fuckin bring ice to the Eskimos.

169. 1. Eighties has-been Sea Point moffie. 2. Eighties has-been moffie. Sea Point.

168. Saul Derman, he just doesn't pay. You need some real balls to book the cover of the Yellow Pages and not pay. Bridal Magazine, S.A. Cricket, carries a gun, black belt in karate. Doesn't pay.

167. who is bombo

166. He said he'd rather have a drug addict than a gay son. Now he has both!

165. Subject: "Asceticism" Body: "Martin you're such a conflicted character. It's sick."

164. You're a shaygets, boy.

163. Dishwasher water left in cups that weren't turned upside-down is the purest water known to man. Remove cups carefully without spilling angel juice and drink immediately.

162. I'll bring you 3 creme sodas in 3 different cups and you do a taste test. It would be interesting to see, objectively, which creme soda you pick.

161. Go into browser history. Find "princess diana tits". Remove from browser history. I don't know what I was thinking

160. Dude I'm gonna brick my country roads

159. so i asked him if he could recommend a book for me to read to make me more focused and he said i should read the secret so i told him to fuck off

158. Idea for TV show "Jobo, the Fomo Hobo": Jobo (68) is a hobo who suffers from fomo. He saves money to cure his diseases & get into internet cafes.

157. Toler being a child. Says he doesn't like sunday lunch when people make fun of him.

156. Oh, I was in the V.I.P. section drinking unlimited Sprite and eating Babybels.

155. If u want feel like u doing something with life, drive to airport and have breakfast at Mugg & Bean alone, and pretend u going to Milan, Italy.

154. Now she’s flashing her nat to everybody.

153. My belt broke today. I was crossing the road when I felt this thing flapping on my cock and I thought, what’s this shit? I don’t wear a moonbag!

152. -So you played Farmville just to get women? -No. One specific woman. -Wow, lucky. Did she pay out? -Ja. I pulled one arm and the legs opened!

151. When I talk, it sounds like I have a retainer in my mouth but it's actually an anchovy that I've put under my tongue.

150. -Have you ever kissed a fart :* :p :& B-) -Ha ha piss off martin I'm in a bad mood -Panty fartie -Ur a creep. -But have you?

149. -Now this woman, Martin, has been doing tik since she was 14. She is now 38. -Jeez, does it show? -You know, funnily enough, she is still fat.

148. First date I told her ithe only food I dislike is saucy chicken Since then it is all she makes me

147. -Mark, please can we make a smurf village in the lounge? -No, Ari. -But why? You can have a train to transport them. I think it's a lovely idea.

146. I just shook the hand of a girl I had 2 wanks to earlier in the day

145. Ah Mart, I can't even begin to explain how deep in slumber you are about "Game of Thrones".

144. hey buddy I'm sorry to tell you this bad news but it seems your gay

143. Jacques, I've had enough already! Eat your food!

142. And that's why coloured people will never come right, Martin. I'm coloured, but I still try live a civilised life.

141. Everyone he kicks, who is not a wrestler, dies immediately. Referees go into 5 minute coma.

140. Ah, this is some party! If it gets any livelier, a funeral's gonna break out!

139. This computer's also in its poes.

138. I'm becoming the Fuehrer! The Fuehrer of Laughs!

137. It's still a perfectly good pillow. Just turn it over.

136. What's your numbers ? Need to send frog

135. Jesus George, get cool bro!

134. Coons havin sex!!! Come quick

133. You are a cruel person and you deserve whatever bad, torment, misery, failure, disappointment, challenge and turmoil or struggle comes your way.

132. i once slow danced with a dog

131. "Hu rufy o got ur numr frum webshort"

130. I don't know how to get the drawing to you because it's quite big

129. Ooooo me fookin minge has got a right fookin pong on!!!

128. AND SO IT WAS THAT STEVE SENT HIS ONLY SON TO TAKE AWAY OUR DUMB

127. after all that culture I just had to run to the bathroom and fart in a cubical

126. There's nothing wrong with my does, pal.

125. Oy, these hospitals hey? You go in with a cold and you walk out with AIDS.

124. The red devil was a belly-dumper.

123. Danny: oh god that poor traumatized dog he looks like he's recalling the horrors of the holocaust

122. me: apu friend me good George: "" i smell.. fucking poo.

121. Your pies amaze me.

120. Martin, everyone's gay.

119. Construction sites work in formented in what's cemented suspended beneath the floor.

118. I got pomodoro in my teeth 'cause I chowed two pizzas!

117. Ah, you thought you found your sunglasses! In your face! Total facial!

116. The rats run under the farts.

115. Any of those ideas. Even the pony one. But only if I can be Blood Pony.

114. King kong game in slots section at front This guy next to us is in fleece

113. The worst kind of diseased mind is one filled with jealousy.

112. - How was your weekend? - Mine was sooo good! Got sooo coon!

111. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog!

110. That little boy's gotta think, "You got a pet. You got a responsibility." If your dog gets lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits.

109. He didn't put posters up or anything. He just sat on the porch like a goon and waited.

108. Woah woah woah, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour.

107. They used to ride him. Puppy transport was a good way for Smurfs to get around. Those little legs.

106. Children shelled, children shelled. That's all very well, but would you please keep the noise down low because you're waking the lazy sunbathers.

105. Idea for TV sitcom "My Pal, Marty": I play Marty (38) who chats about funny stuff with his friends at his place. He also solves murder mysteries.

104. I met a guy last night, 25, went to Bishops, he's finishing off his postgrad in law, and he was absolutely dying to be with me.

103. No statuses no advertising yourself and idiosynctriuens and blahj blah - MY (crap) BLOG after fb and videos and ya all the rest n all the best

102. I drank milk this morning that I'm convinced mike pissed in

101. Mark, you fuckin' does, answer your phone! I have two thousand South African Dollars for you! I have two thousand South African Dollars!

100. Have you ever gotten into your car and decided, "I'm going to enter a state of oblivion"?

99. Few things are more South African than a 1990 R2 coin.

98. Yes, you're older now and you're a clever swine, but they were the only ones who ever stood by you.

97. Dr. Dre on Uncle Luke: If it ain't another ho that I gots ta fuck with, gap teeth in ya mouth so my dick's gots ta fit.

96. You can be more popular, more loved and happier if you practice being permanently amped.

95. If you kick the baba, I'm taking you back to Chino for torture.

94. - Yeah, he (James Cameron) was also involved in that new Scorsese movie. - Yeah, "Noddy" ("Hugo").

93. *Small Choke*...*Swallow*....*big choke*...Sasha...come with me Sasha...

92. I sometimes can't enjoy sleeping at her anymore because I'm just filled with farts. Being in my own bed, farting the blankets up, is a luxury.

91. No I have something to tell you. Makandal and I kissed.

90. Daniel Manners Claudia Cole

89. Martin YOU ARE FUCKED UP and FRIGHTNING Both your parents died, you have family secrets, many insecurities, soooo many internal conflicts

88. You are fucking sick And evil and dangerous And a CURSE And you are a true sinner. Of the worst kind You are FUCKED UP and you need help

87. Veribbel. And the adjective is 'veribbeldik'. "Smiler hasn't got a single veribbeldik bone in his body."

86. You need to feed the Yellow Bastard.

85. Nicki Minaj, Flo Rida, DJ Khaled and Lil Wayne inhale 20 000 molecules of Galileo's last breath every time they breathe.

84. We inhale 20 000 molecules of Galileo's last breath every time we breathe.

83. It's more esteemed for a high school girl to date a player from a touring Irish high school rugby team than someone who's in their own school.

82. I told him, "If you played with me 10 years ago, I would give to you every day maybe one punch in the head."

81. Found one of my original wank stashes

80. "wheeeeeee preside...coprici la curva che fa lu cazze de freddo"

79. You're over in Cape Town.

78. GromTheDeader: i can see u! play well well u entertain me as i roll a joint

77. On "COE": It's disgusting and a piece of shit.

76. Your the one sending me pictures of minors sucking dick :& Sick

75. Parrying out.

74. Love, peace and harmony; very nice; maybe in the next world.

73. All I had for sort of company was a calculator.

72. What an epic adventure of a dump. I'v blocked a cavendish toilet.

71. [Receiving Text] bald cunt

70. Fuck the linesman, Fuck how brilliant we were, Fuck that pony tailed keeper, Fuck durban, Fuck all the moustached porra men and women walking around here telling me to cheer up, Fuck this dark sand, Fuck butt head, Fuck poodles and ducks, Fuck jabulani, Fuck football really . I do like these indians though .

69. The best childhoods happened in Oregon, roughly between 1980 and 1994.

68. - How's Farelli Fashions - I think they went out of business. Selling stock below cost can fuck things up. And Dr Caldeira drives a hard bargain.

67. I'm realizing more and more that i actually don't really know who you are and what you're about. You're blog is also quite sickening.

66. I bet the sunglasses of marks that Ari lost are somewhere in that vile pit. It must be like that thing that looked like Kevin the animals chicks poes in the desert in return of the jedi

65. Y'know there were a couple of things said that angered me (far more than my "self-indulgent imposing" attitude) a couple of weeks ago. Would be cool if you could take them back too. "You're a satellite of hate" and "I have more faith in her" I'm sure there were others, but those were the worst

64. she start off by have a slutty blog then got some slutty head shots done then she applied and made it to sa playboy now she a professional slut not just hobby slut

63. You are an ABSOLUTE GENIUS. I will take this quote with me. Beautifully drawn. Thank you for articulating this. Must continue reading from here.

62. Most of Cape Town thinks you're crazy.

61. Biscuitmilling is not a verb.

60. Old Jew: "Don't slam the gate!" Chino: "YOU don't slam the gate!" Old Jew: "But I don't slam the gate!" Chino: "I know you are, but what am I!?"

59. it's on top right of the window Desktop Downloads Recent places right clicky clear

58. Just arrived im in oarking lot golden mercedes

57. PUT ME DOWB FOR 2. ON GISEL WHAT R THE ODDS ON FOOKOU ? WHATR R THE ODDS EMPTY SEAPOINT LIBRARY ? TO COLD ? 5 : DUMB ? EXCELLENT

56. Drink the beer, take out the stompie, dry it and smoke it the next day.

55. Just please don't ever become an attorney because you'd be the worst fucking attorney in the entire world, ever.

54. I don't have an opinion.

53. ........ Whatever Ill just have to remember all this.

52. Look ma. When you're having a heart attack or stomach cancer, I'm going to tell you to take a Disprin and lie down for an hour.

51. She simply told Clemons, "We'll put the tape on and you just play. Play from your heart. Play what you feel."

50. I don't understand ur profile pic I'm looking at it And my brain starts hurting; They're like electronic cancers

49. Ma, look. I phoned you because I had a problem and now I have a problem with you.

48. HE FILM FILM SOCIETY RESENT 6 FILM ABOUT MARTIM

47. To 10 year old girl: Okay. If I play LMFAO, do you promise me you'll dance?

46. I dance on a cruise ship, so I'm quite used to eager semen.

45. THE FILM FILM SOCIETY PRESENTS 6 FILMS ABOUT FILMS

44. Excuse me officer, this is my coonistiction.

43. I been sitting alone at the table for 40 mins All the single ladies One can visit the bathroom several times

42. Grease medley Time warp Wakka wakka Ymca has to be coming soon No Girls just wanna have fun For the throwing of the bouquet Dancing Queen

41. POOLCOONZ

40. On "The Lansdowne/Fairways Coloured": The fathers drive the maroon Mercedes from the nineteen eighties. With the carphone.

39. No reply. Asshole asshole asshole asshole asshole asshole asshole!!!!

38. On "The Goonies": Every kid wanted Sea Point to be like this.

37. If you absolutely insist on having the (which obviously they will be) part in my quote at least chance the brackets to these [...] PLEASE.

36. new paswird: buttzdrivemenutz

35. You can't put half of my quote - it's not what I said! What did I say? No, just fucking show me what I first said.

34. i fear trying again a little bit becasue of the memory of the balls hiutting me in the nuts over and over again

33. "Never go against or embarrass your Jewish (well that's a given) wife or girlfriend in public no matter how disrespectful/insulting she might be."

32. People gotta keep it very light and surface with you No girl that displays any signs of dominance Or challenge *retaliation

31. The sink has a garbage disposal in case you need to take a dump.

30. I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade.

29. Do you not unzip regularly?

28. Tomato scordalia with beef with a side if chips baked or fried And a coke with that can I give you some money now

27. Coming up next! A new fad that's sweeping the nation - wasting food!

26. "THIS THINGS I BELIEVE"

25. If you do that, I'm gonna do some crazy shit.

24. Rachel is a big arsed big chinned cunt.

23. Ah Martin Gore. I just want to bake him a cake and give him a hug.

22. I don't want to end up on my own like Miss Havisham wanking into a flannel.

21. - So do you know Martin? - Scorsese?

20. I'd be in hysterics if anyone did this while I was taking a shit!

19. Gain fifty dumb. Looz two civil libel suits. Looz fifty thousand money. Each.

18. "Ja, ja. Too ugly to marry."

17. How could you have a falafel for dinner when we haven't seen each other in two weeks and you knew you were seeing me tonight?

16. JAMAI A.

15. The Mystery of Morningwood.

14. "YOO LOEK LYK A KOEN !9 " LOOZ FIFTY EDUCATION, GAIN TWO HUNDRED COLOURED PLUS 3 RESPECT KENILWORTH.

13. It's like the soundtrack to the end of the world.

12. - Where's Martin? - Ah, probably at home. You know Martin, the recluse.

11. Oh my God. If you do that, I'll lose a million food.

10. Hi.. I just lost 3 water and 20 food but I took 2 shrooms.

9. How about we look at perfect you? An album of drawings you've done from photo's of people you've stalked on a blog and falsely befriended.

8. Dear makandal and martin, due to my irrational fear of accountability, entrenched in it foucoult's 'surveilance', i lied.

7. You can't stick your hand down your own toilet but you have no problem dressing up as Hitler.

6. You won't let me do what Lady Gaga did to get famous.

5. Ah, I need some money. Let me go to Saul's. Saul will help me out.

4. NEW STOCK IN FARELLI FASHIONS OFFER EXPIRES 21:30 R1200 CASH DEALS ONLY.

3. Egg Vindaloo.

2. Only Paul Ward is actually Paul Ward.

1. I will never be a piece of property again, no matter how valuable that property is considered. Joe made a feminist of me. A feminist slut.